What to say

A Sokeefe fanfiction by Millie the Froster:

'''‘Foster. What to say to you? Perhaps I should write. But is that really a way to speak to you for one last time? I have ten minutes. If I could, I’d spend it all in detention with you because it always feels like an eternity in there. But of course, what fun would that be to you? No. I’d pull a prank, one for you to remember me by. I’ll make my mark. Pranks get cleared away though, don’t they? They only remain spectacular for so long, no matter how hard you push for them to remain relevant… maybe I could finally explain the Great Gulon Incident to you. That would surely give you a laugh. But… I don’t want to leave a mark that makes you think I’m heartless. I don’t want to leave you thinking that I am someone who is only jokes and seeks destruction. I’m so much more than that. I know. I should apologise to you. I’ve screwed up so many times. I was an idiot for that. Would it be inappropriate for me to beg on my knees for your forgiveness? Of course it would. I do want to say sorry, I really do. I’ve tried so hard recently to not be so reckless. If only I had longer to prove that I’m more mature. That I’m not that stupid, silly little boy you met in the hall years ago. If only you manifested as an empath to feel how guilty, how sorry I am. No, I don’t want to place any kind of pressure on you. Perhaps I should learn to open up. Hey, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my issues on our final day together.'''

'''I’m getting off topic. The seconds are ticking by so quickly, I don’t have long left. I’m running out of time. Why do we never have time? Why does it pour away so quickly? What do I do? What do I do? Breathe. Foster, I want you to know that I really do care about you. How to say that… Do I say, do I show, do I give? No! Back to how to say goodbye. Emotions. Think about emotions. How to break this to you without ripping your heart out? Who am I kidding? Nobody would be that sad to see me leave. Especially not Fitz. Sorry. I want you and Fitz to be happy, I really do. I just… I struggle to express it. The words seem stuck in my throat, they won’t come out right. If only saliva glands were injected with poison so then I could blame it on them… sorry, I’m being ridiculous. We’d be dead. And I can’t risk losing you, Foster. I don’t know what I’d do without you. But I’ll have to. Now Foster, back on topic. But one more thing. How do I phrase it? When… If you go all cute and stressed on me because of this… That’s no way to say it. Don’t get stressed… I sound like my dad. Don’t do that Keefe, don’t go there Keefe, don’t be such an imbecile Keefe. At least he’s someone I don’t have to worry about saying goodbye to. I’ll be glad to leave that prison. Aw Keefe, why do you have to ruin my life? Keefe? Oh him. Good riddance! No, I’m sorry, the stress is getting to me. What to say, how to say it.'''

'''Minutes have gone. How? How have I let time slide? How have I wasted this time rambling? One last time. Foster. Remember all those times we spent together with Silveny? She brought us together in a way, didn’t she? That sounded wrong. I am glad for you and Fitz, honestly. Thank you for letting me name one of the alicorns. You may just think what you did didn’t mean that much to me. But, for once Foster, you’re wrong. It meant so much. I don’t think you realise how much your kindness has helped me. It filled a place in my heart that needed something there. Kind of like Mom’s room back at Candleshade. The blazing fire Dad placed really made it homely. I bet you can see how this is getting to me. Not even my jokes are good. I never thought that would be something possible. My defence mechanism is slipping. But I feel like I’m slipping too. Away from you. I am. I’m leaving. Part of you is coming with me. In my mind. In my heart. You’re one of my closest friends and I’ve trusted you with so many things. Thank you. Really, I’m being honest.'''

'''Oh yes, back to what I was saying. I… I’m leaving. Please… please don’t freak out. I’ve left you once before. I’m going again to end this war. I don’t want you risking your life when you have so much to live for. You have Fitz who cares for you so much. I’ve known it for so long and I know how much you both want to see each other. You have a loving family who wants you to succeed and I would hate to imagine seeing them if you did… pass away. I can’t imagine it. It hurts too much. I have nothing to stand for except for you and the rest of our friends. And someone has to take the hit. It should be me. I am sorry. I am sorry for everything I have ever messed up, I’m sorry for leaving you to join the Neverseen before and I’m sorry for this. '''

'''That’s what I want to say. I’ve written it down. There, you can see it. You can see this whole thing. And now… I must leave. Sophie… you’re one of the only strands of hope in my life and you don’t understand how much this hurts me. But it’s what has to be done. Oh Sophie… you can’t see the tears rolling down my cheeks and you can’t feel the stabbing pain in my heart. You can’t tell that the knot in my stomach is tightening and tightening, tying me down to my destiny. I’ve changed my Legacy. I’ve rewritten who I’m meant to be and what I’m meant to do. And the last thing I’ll do will be for good, probably unlike what my last thing was meant to be. It will be for you. '''

'''Sophie Foster. Thank you. And… I’m sorry. I’ll remember you. When the bangs of the explosions echo through my ears. When I’m taking my last breaths. When I’ve crossed into another world.'''

'''Goodbye Sophie. I have one final thing to say. I… I’m so happy for you and Fitz. I wish you all the best in the future.'''

Love Keefe :) x’

'''The note shook in her hands as tears cascaded down her cheeks to form rivers of emotions. Sophie’s other hand rested over her eyes as she trembled with sadness and fear. A hand rested on each shoulder but she was too destroyed to see who was there. There were footsteps patting on the floor behind her. More hands. Arms embracing her in a tight hug. Her cloak slipping from her shoulders, the note slipping from her fingers, Keefe’s hand slipping away from hers.'''

'''He lay in front of her. He was barely recognisable. His face was misshapen and he didn’t look like himself at all. It broke her heart. And she was his last thought.'''

'''With all of her will power, she shook off everybody and walked over to Keefe. Kneeling down, emotions bubbling up inside of her, Sophie reached out and held Keefe’s hand, his rough, charred fingers still and limp. Fighting through the tears, some dripping onto his cheek, she unfastened the Sencen pin on his cape and rested it on the floor, knowing Keefe would want to say goodbye to whatever his mother had planned for him.'''

'''“What to say to you? Goodbye Keefe. I have one final thing to say. I… I’m sorry. Love Sophie.”'''